Dark Waltz

Written: December 15, 2010

Lying still with the moon lighting up the midnight sky, my eyes abruptly take over drifting with the stars. Reality slips away with every deep breath my body forcibly provides. Thoughts of romance and fear, the past and present captivate my head taking over my imagination only to elude my memory in the brisk presence of morning..

At first romance fills my head, the memories of happiness from friends and family overwhelmed my existence.  Unmistakably blessed by the people who surrounded me then, protect me now, and will walk with me in the future. Everything I love about life is within grasp, confounding me with complete euphoria. My favorite songs are playing, favorite smells brushing through the air, warm rain falling from the sky. Flashing from past and present I relive the moments that have defined me, made me a better person, and are truly unforgettable. I instantly see the faces of the people I will never forget who have engraved their hearts into my subconscious to walk in my dreams for eternity.

Quickly fading, with thoughts of eternal happiness my dreams drift towards the rest of my life. I wonder intensly what to do next. My dreams are analytical, ripping apart every decision I've made and questioning their precision. Showing me what may of happened if I had turned left instead of right, the colors of romance dim. Accusing myself of ruining my life, arguing by myself proving myself right and wrong in the same sentence. What should I have done? Does it matter now? Inquisitions flare and my future comes into question, wondering what will be next.

Before the colors of life fade into analytical, judgmental similarity I want a chance to finish what I've started. Not knowing exactly what that is, or how it is done I feel dizzy. The shortness of my life sweeps over my head in a dense shadow, turning over an hour glass, setting the timer, and I hear nothing but ticking. Running into empty hallways, opening doors along the way trying to find my purpose in life. Emptiness, nothing is helping me figure out why I was put here. Running faster and faster, turning every corner I feel my body diminishing. I notice my reflection aging with every step, still unable to find the reason for my being.

The lights shut out. Closing my eyes wishing to be back in the color, back to my friends and family, back to where I knew who I was and what I was doing. I wish and wish to be back in the romantic stage of my life, as my body gives away. Sometimes I fall from the sky, sometimes submerging in the ocean, wrecking a car, or even saving a life. Feeling my life was too short, seeing my reflection, noticing a frail elderly man in the mirror.

How did I get here, this can't be it.

Feeling my last breaths leaving my body... I'm awake.

I take my first breath of the morning, the light shimmering through my window. Living an entire life in a matter of hours. Every morning I wake up with a new respect for the life we live. Knowing that I am young, not yet done dancing. I vow to myself to make the most of each day, because that night when I fade away into my sleep it may not be a recollection of the past, reflection of the present, or fear of the future. When I fall asleep at night, that might be it, the first step in my dark waltz.