Heartbeat

March 11, 2011

I can hear my heart beat in my ear, slowly coercing my body to still. I can feel the thoughts leave my body, the life leave my lips and the tears dry along my cheeks. I can feel the wind, non existant to anyone around, yet frightening among reception beyond recognition.

The heart I hold within has slowed to a steady rythym unable to beat with any sponanuity, excitement, or nervousness. I only maintain the still lifelsss song that plays within my soul. I wait only for the moment that will bring me back to life. Moving aimlessly with no purpose, my body at the control of the feelings that fill my soul. Unable to control the speed at which I progress, I am always a puppet and my destiny is the hands that control.

Drowning out the sorrow, the pain, the blockades that force me in specific directions, I place my hands over my ears attempting to hear the serenity I long for. A quiet breeze, a soft rolling ocean, anything would suffice to overcome the white noise that invades my thoughts. Confusion simply replaced with absolute validity, would keep me sane in this chaotic world. Yet, here I am, a clown at a funeral, out of place and three steps behind my expected potential.

I need to be pushed. I need to be told where to stand in this chorus of complex, and utterly confusing moments. All I hear is my heart beating louder and louder.. Someone please get rid of it, if not for me, than for my shaking hands that are still placed tightly over my ears.