Problematic circumstances show me that I truly have two sides to who I am as a person. Some know both sides, but it is rare that I let anyone that close to me. The closest they will ever find themselves, is reading these simple words that I jot down in an effort to get them out of my head.
It seems I write the words I have trouble saying aloud. A distinctive difference in my mental process when expressing who I am through auditory, or visual reception. Not a sign of fear, but more an expression of two sides of my personality. My voice minimizes the level of deepness allowed to surface, yet my mind can't help to see the intricate details that make my world what it is.
In person, I conceal the poetic properties, because I rarely see the use for it, and doubt that I would be able to fully capture the utopian ideas blazing through my head. On the other end, I have doubts that the person carefully listening to my abstract thoughts could comprehend where I am coming from, not because they don't hear what I'm saying, but often because it's coming out more complex than it was intended.
I write for myself more than anyone, ebcause it allows my sarcastic, elementary self, realize that my serious, sentimental self is still present somewhere within my psyche. Taking a "Laugh Now, Cry Later" attitude in life, I feel it is necessary to keep both prominent, yet separated to the fullest. If I didn't have such a desire to have others read my writing, I wouldn't publish it at all, simply for the fact that it gains that much more separation and secrecy between the two parts. The desire mostly comes from my elementary personality, where my ego is present. The recognition of this ego comes from the serious identity.
One day, whether it through fame and fortune, or vast solitude, I won't have to maintain separation between the two polar opposites. It may cause an irritating personality, but if I am rich, or alone, no one would care, would they?
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